for the first time in my life, i’m in limbo.

Let me take you back 5 years ago, to the good ol’ days spent at North Royalton High School. Every morning, I’d wake up at 6:00 a.m. (HAHA I KNOW. I actually did my hair + makeup every morning, like how exhausting!?) My routine included a daily drive-thru run at Burger King for coffee & a pack of Cini-Mini’s (gone but never forgotten, RIP) I’d go to class, do homework in study hall and then drive straight to my part-time jobs at Royal Donut or Abercrombie & Fitch – the donut shop was much preferred.

I graduated and began college at Bowling Green State University. In a nut shell, each semester was the same routine: I scheduled my required classes, picked up my textbooks and attended class. The early weekends (pre-bae) were spent partying with my girlfriends and studying at the local coffee shop. My dream has always been to write for magazines so I was constantly juggling classes, a remote Internship and a personal blog.

After I met my better half, we quickly fell into our own little routine. We’d go to class, he would go to football practice and I would go to work at the tanning salon. Make dinner, homework, Netflix binges, etc. College was incredible. I was figuring out lots of adult things (like cooking and filling out w-2 forms..woohoo) falling in love and laying the foundation for the life I wanted for myself. It was easy – & I attribute that to the routine; the notion of always knowing what’s coming next. Fall semester, spring semester. Fall semester, spring semester – for four years, everything was already in place on a comforting timeline.

After college graduation, G took an opportunity of a lifetime that uprooted us to Tuscaloosa, Alabama. I figured I would find a part-time job, but got lucky enough to accept a marketing position for a fashion brand! The Alabama chapter unfolded flawlessly. When G decided to train for the NFL draft in Florida, we packed the car, buckled up the bulldogs and went.

I live for a routine. I love checking off my to-do lists. I will literally add something as minuscule & mundane as “make a hair appointment” to my lists just to reap the satisfaction of crossing it off. Schedules just keep me balanced.

If you’re unaware of how college football players become professional football players, here’s an outline:

COLLEGE CAREER > TRAINING > PRO DAY > DRAFT

That little teal arrow, that’s where we are. For the first time in my life, the next step is unknown. The rest is still unwritten (as my girl Natasha Bedingfield sang in the opening credits of The Hills) My schedule-minded, routine-loving lifestyle jumped ship. We can’t make any plans for the summer, we can’t even accept wedding invitations because we have no idea where we’ll be living or what we’ll be doing yet. The anxiety that lives in this *waiting* period is was almost unbearable.

Are you rolling your eyes yet? Hear me out. I know how lucky we are to have this opportunity. We all know that pretty much every twenty-something is going through the unknown limbo of life, but that doesn’t make it any less scary.

This past year (and yes, I mean the almost 4 months of 2017) have taught me a lot already. A few months ago, I saw a quote on Pinterest that said “worrying is just suffering twice,” and that’s when I just let the weight of the unknown go. It’s still nerve wracking, but the security of a supportive, endlessly loving family and group of friends is what gets me through. Knowing that no matter what happens in life, the ups & downs will be experienced with G, that gets me through. My belief in god’s plan, timing & direction gets me through.

so . . .

We don’t know what (or where) is next. Days aren’t scheduled like they used to be. The timeline is buffering. But for the first time (like, ever) I’m truly seeing the beauty of the present. The waiting is not spent wondering “what if” anymore, instead it’s filled with “I can’t wait to find out!”

I hope the next time I write a personal blog I’ll be updating you with good news and we’ll be on our way to some great new place – until then, I’m enjoying this super exciting time in our lives, one that we’ll never forget.