GET READY FOR PLANNING, DECORATING, COORDINATED OUTFITS & LOTS OF WINE: YOUR BESTIE JUST MADE YOU
What an honor to be part of the bride’s VIP squad! Along with that Vegas bachelorette party and all the customized little gifts you’ll receive along the way, you could experience a few disagreements, awk moments & dilemmas. These are the most common and how to deal:
YOU’VE BEEN INVITED TO 24 SEPARATE MEETINGS TO DECIDE WHERE THE BRIDAL SHOWER SHOULD BE HELD
The Issue: Literally 4 seconds following your response (“of COURSE I’ll be your bridesmaid!”) The bride & maid of honor have started scheduling your afternoons, evenings and booking your weekends for “team bonding activities” and shower decor DIY dates. They’re not taking your viable life events (your final semester of grad school, being a mother, having a full-time job) “excuses” lightly.
The Resolution: From the jump, you need to be up front about how much time you can set aside for bridesmaid related activities. Let the bride know directly that you’re honored to stand by her side on her big day, but that you’ve got your own big girl stuff to tend to as well. Explain that you’ll do everything you can to attend significant events, and that you hope it won’t be an issue. You may have to remind her a few times, but discussing this with the bride (from the get-go) is the best way to go about it.
THE MOH TEXTS YOU ASKING FOR $500 TO COVER YOUR HALF OF THE BACHELORETTE PARTY WIENER DÉCOR
The Issue: Along with time, you have to realize that you’ll be investing a lot of money into this experience as well. In most cases, you’ll have to foot the bill on your own dress, travel, lodging and be expected to contribute to gifts, shower fees and bachelorette related costs. This is in addition to your student loans, rent, groceries, etc. Aside from eating Ramen for every meal and taking up stripping as a side hustle, how are you ever gonna pay for all this jazz!?
The Resolution: This is so frustrating. Especially when it seems like you’re the only one who can’t afford to pitch in – but at the end of the day, if the bride is your true friend, she’ll understand why paying your insurance is more important than paying for 1/6 of the bridal shower brunch buffet. Be up front with the other ‘maids, explain that you’ll do everything in your power to help them find a more affordable option (either venue, dress, or decorations) or that you’d like to “pay” with your service. Offer to help address invitations, clean up or set up a party, or even host the next meeting. If you truly can’t afford to put money aside for the dress alone, thank the bride for her consideration but tell her you’d prefer to attend as a guest (who isn’t drowning in debt!)
THE OTHER ‘MAIDS AREN’T TAKING YOUR SUGGESTIONS INTO CONSIDERATION
The Issue: A bridal party is made up of the bride’s closest friends and family because she wants each individual to help her plan the best day of her life. Every bridesmaid is allowed to have an opinion, but what if yours is constantly being overruled?
The Resolution: If someone specific (the bride, the maid of honor, the sorority sister) is always turning up their nose at your suggestions, pull them aside and say, “Hey – we’re really not meshing with planning! What’s up?” Bring the issue to light and prompt them to give you a reason for it. Maybe the bride has a very particular theme in mind, or the MOH feels like choosing the bach party transportation was something she wanted to handle herself. Decide on a few tasks that you can work on alone, without the team’s efforts or opinions.
THE BRIDE HAS TURNED INTO A FULL OUT BRIDEZILLA
The Issue: Your bestie has gone from peppy, sweet & silly to plan-obsessed, selfish and scrappy. Nothing can pull her out of this stress-induced funk!
The Resolution: Planning a wedding is a lot of work, y’all. Especially for a perfectionist or any girl who wants to be sure that their wedding is the best day of their life. When things start to get rocky, ask the bride if she can spare a half hour. Bring a bottle of wine and a goofy little gift (a framed photo of you two from middle-school – or something that represents an inside joke) make sure she knows that no wedding talk can ensue during your visit. Sometimes, brides just need to be snapped back to reality or told that they can take a breather from planning. She’ll greatly appreciate your gesture and a moment to clear her head.
YOU HATE YOUR KELLY GREEN PLEATED TEA-LENGTH DRESS
The Issue: You went shopping, you voted for the champagne lace one-shoulder, and the majority ruled on the ugliest effing thing you’ve ever laid eyes on. What now?
The Resolution: If you’re in the midst of shopping and none of the ‘maids can decide on just one, ask if you can implement the mismatched theme. Have the bride choose the designer and color and allow you all to choose the best fit/style for your body type. If the bride is SET on that dress, then sorry sis – this is the one time you’ll have to pat that awful skirt, grin and bare it.
THE BRIDE HAS AN OUTLANDISH REQUEST FOR YOU TO CHANGE YOUR APPEARANCE FOR HER WEDDING
The Issue: She casually mentioned how much better your dress would fit if you lost a few pounds, or suggested you dye your hair to match the other ‘maids. You feel personally victimized by Regina George.
The Resolution: Okay first, take a deep breathe. Now, take a big swig of Riesling. You’re gonna have to attempt to approach this situation without ripping her head off – respond with “Thanks for the suggestion, but you know me – I love being (brunette/having these curves/looking this fabulous) meet her criticism with confidence. There are some things you may feel comfortable abiding by, like covering tattoos for a traditional ceremony, but remind her that she loves you for you – not for your appearance.
There will be a lot of tears, border-line brawls & sacrifices made, but there will also be a lot of laughs, love & memories
For every upcoming issue, know that honesty is the best policy and as your BFF, the bride should always have her girls’ best interest at heart. After it’s all said & done, remember that you were chosen to be included in these events because the bride couldn’t imagine saying “I do!” without you.
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